Those of you who follow me on social media will know I am writing a book. I have been asked quite a few times why I am writing the book now and what it is going to be about. I have always known I would write a book because I churn out so many (hopefully awesome) words a day for articles, talks, conferences and of course the magazine but so many of my followers have asked for the best ones to finally be collated in one place. Rather than writing the book many expected me to write I thought I would write something completely new and take probably the most painful parts of my past, the parts that really hurt and use it to help others. My book is about how to stand up to any fear, reclaim all your lost dreams and live your life eyes wide open ready to take on anything that comes your way. It has a working title and 15,000 words written so far and I thought I would share a bit more of my life with you in this blog so you can all get to know more about what drives me, the origin of the passion for helping others and my “WHY” for what I do.
Many think I had a perfect life of privilege but that privilege came at a high price. Growing up I was told everything comes as a package you can’t take the good without the bad and as long as you don’t tell anyone the bad then it didn’t really happen. I don’t believe that anymore but I did for a long time. I came from a world where during my childhood I was exposed to fear at a high level. The fear inflicted upon me was occasionally external to my family but more often than not came from within the place that was supposed to be safe. Sometimes that threat to my health and survival was real and had a huge impact on me, sometimes it was more mental and emotional which can be as bad if not worse than any physical contact, or it was completely imagined by others and acted upon as if it was real which would just leave everyone in a high state of anxiety or anger with no outcome or solution.
My parents put me in situations that developed my abilities to have enormous insight into human psychology, human behaviour and the power of fear, which allows me to help 1000’s of people. I grew up with fear as my best friend. I watched its reactions in me. I saw how people used it to control my reaction and the reactions of others. I watched first hand the effects of a tactical and planned way of imposing fear. I watched at close quarters a psychology that inherently reacts to fear and a psychopathology that imposes fear. I learned from experience that fear can parasitically not only exist but be created in healthy people due to their expectations, attachments and inability to be in the now. Once I understood fear I knew how to beat it. it’s possible to move on from fear. It is possible to move through fear and achieve your dreams. It is possible to have everything you dreamed of whether or not somewhere along the line you convinced yourself that was not available to you. Fear does not have to hold you back. Fear does not have the power to make you freeze. That is something you choose to do. There are 26 other reactions you can have that will lead you to your dreams that too in record time. That is the message I want to deliver in this book. So long as that is a book you would all like to read.
So how did I learn how to deal with fear? Many things I was subjected to during my childhood kept me small and obedient. I was often rewarded for my silence with toys, sweets and many temporary tools for distraction On one hand, I thought I deserved the bad things that were happening as the price to pay for all the nice things, on the other hand, I had it anchored to me that with every bad thing that happens a good thing follows. Neither is obviously true. Like anyone who suffers domestic abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse or otherwise they often do not realise their own power comes from their voice and their responses. I had been conditioned to take what was coming my way, play it small, hide my power, not speak up, find a smile and carry on. I wish I had a book or a person I could have gone to, to make sense of it all. I would have made different choices. I would have achieved faster results. The problem was I had to go through that journey to learn the techniques of dealing with fear because at that time some of them had yet to be discovered. I love my life as it is now, I do not feel bitter towards my journey quite the opposite, but if someone could teach me what I know now and allow me to shortcut that pain, of course, I would take it. I don’t live in pain or fear now, only the happy memories but I never forget the journey that got me here. My mother’s favourite animal was the panda, I continue to make happy memories even now she has passed.
My experience above isn’t the only hurdle we deal with in life. We encounter bullies or meet people who laugh when we fail. We face rejection, loneliness, disappointment and frustration. We know people who don’t want us to do well. We look for permission to say no or to walk away. But so often we stay. We have an inner voice that tells us we can’t get that man or woman. That our business won’t succeed. A thought that says we don’t have the discipline to be fit and healthy. We freeze. We give up before we even start. We accept less than. We give up on some of our dreams and settle for what we have. We tell ourselves our time will come but time waits for no one. I’ve been small and it’s painful. I don’t want that for anyone else. Everyone deserves their dreams in life, and I choose to write this book to give anyone who is interested a way forward through their fears, negative thoughts, anxieties, distractions or people that are holding them back. Are you ready to let go of anything that is holding you back and claim your dreams today?